Headlines We Need Right Now: Part III
Reporting in from Fantasy Island
When the daily headlines make you feel like you’re living in a psychotic version of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” it’s time to peace out to an alternate dimension where criminals go to jail (and stay there); Bowie is alive, well, and still super weird; and Muppets live among us. And if you need just a little more delusion in your day, you can read past headlines: Part I and Part II.
Bruce Springsteen Runs Out of Political Material for New Album
Science Finds Steady Diet of Candy Aids Brain Health
Spiders Issue Apology: ‘We’re just trying to tickle you. Honest!’
Billionaires Solve World Problems; Throw International Pizza Party to Celebrate
Congress Signs Nap Time Bill into Law
Librarians to Paparazzi: ‘Please, let us shelve in peace!’
Elderly Couple Preferred Hang Out of Area Teens: ‘They have the best snacks.’
Nation Forgets Embarrassing Thing You Did in High School
Sharks Take Summer Off
Masturbation at Chuck E. Cheese Down 100%
Airlines Replace Coach With Cozy Bean Bag Chairs
World Leader Makes Completely Reasonable Compromise
Woman Gets Paid Same as Man
Breaking! Money Growing on Trees
Cheesecake Cures Cancer
Racism Not A Thing Anymore: ‘It’s, like, so cringe,” says World.
New York City Rats Move to Jersey
Taylor Swift Admits Doesn’t Always Rinse out Yogurt Container Before Recycling
Police Find New Hug-it-Out Initiative Working Well
Nuclear Weapons Decommissioned and Repurposed Into Kicky Centerpieces: Watch Martha Stewart Show You How to Level Up your Holiday Table
Arctic Freezing Its Ass Off
Thanks for the laughs. @Sharron Bassano sent me your way. So glad she did.
"Masturbation at Chuck E. Cheese Down 100%". Oh my god, Sheila! You are too much. My housemate came in to see what I was cackling about.
I loved the image of beanbag chairs on airlines and the idea that cheesecake would cure cancer. Thanks, as always, for making my day with your inspired posts. You should be in New Yorker magazine.