Patriots' Day-a-Palooza!

It was a big weekend around here. We celebrated the 250th anniversary of Paul Revere’s historic ride from Boston to Lexington, Massachusetts on the night of April 18, 1775. Lucky for Paul there was no traffic and the Sox were at an away game.

Stahhhs and stripes 4LYFE! ©SheilaMoeschenPhotography

Revere was part of a network called the Sons of Liberty, a protest group of like minded individuals that formed in response to the overreach of the British crown. Specifically, the Sons made it their business to push back against the seemingly endless parade of new taxes issued by King George that put enormous economic strain on everything from paper to tea to good times and groovy vibes (or so it felt). Turns out that no one wanted redonkulous tariffs two hundred years ago either! What’s that saying about history repeating itself or something? Anybody? Bueller?

The Sons were an awesomely sneaky bunch–largely anonymous–active within all 13 colonies, with more than a few colonial A-listers in their ranks: future president, John Adams; his cousin and beer hook-up, Samuel Adams; and John Hancock, a rich trust-fund type friend of Sam who had also made himself a real pain in the ass to the monarchy.

When the Sons weren’t playing bees’ nest pinata with the Crown by publishing pamphlets and articles about British rule, they were all about the intelligence gathering. The longest game of “I spy” in American history to date. Because in 1768 the king thought it might be smart to station a few hundred English soldiers around Boston in a very chill “nothing to worry about here! England “HEARTS” the Colonies 4EVA” kind of situation.

The soldiers tried and failed to blend with their aggressive presence and pretentious red coats. In true Masshole form, citizens started calling them “LOBSTAHBACKS” accompanied by crude mother jokes. Even worse, King George had passed a law called the Quartering Act that stuck colonists with the bill for housing and feeding the British military that nobody asked for. In the words of another great patriot, “This aggression will not stand, man.”

And eventually it did not.

On March 5, 1770 a skirmish broke out in Boston. The British fired on a crowd of men and boys who had been agitating the obnoxious occupiers in the form of whipping icy, slushy snowballs at their faces. As any New England kid will tell you, if you can’t handle being hit with a ball of snow about the size of a small cantaloupe, packed with grit and dirt and ice and probably a few roofing nails, then maybe the east coast isn’t for you. Maybe King George should have sent his guys to Daytona. That’s all I’m saying.

Six people were wounded; five died. One of them was a formerly enslaved African man named Crispus Attucks whom many historians cite as the first adult casualty of The American Revolution. Three weeks later Paul Revered turned the event into an engraving or, essentially, print poster. His depiction was not rendered so much for accuracy as it was as a piece of tasty propaganda, designed to stoke sympathies for the ordinary citizens and anger towards the King. Achievement unlocked.

By the late-winter of 1775 tensions between the colonists and Britain were higher than Willie Nelson at a Cheech and Chong camp in Burning Man. England closed the port to Boston; the Crown revoked Massachusetts’ charter; and a warrant was issued for Samuel Adams and John Hancock, whom the King decided were the lousy bums behind all the trouble. “Lousy bums!” George cried, followed by “Edith, get out of my chair, would you?!” Adams and Hancock got word of the price on their heads and peaced the eff out of Beantown to lay low in the town of Lexington about 20 miles west of the city.

Thanks to the Sons of Liberty’s spy network, the group learned in early April that the British military was making preparations to track down Adams and Hancock in Lexington. After apprehending these two degenerates, the British figured that while they were in the area, they’d swing through nearby Concord and scoop up whatever military stockpiles (gun powder, cannons, bootlegs of Gigli, you know, real weapons of war type stuff) were laying around. Colonial jerks arrested: check; rebellion quelled: check, check; King George letting everyone in charge live: all the checks. Roll credits.

But then…

TWIST!

Revere and his Sons O’ Liberty (I really hope they had this embroidered on biker jackets, the kind with the flaming skulls on them) were three chess moves ahead. They learned the exact movements of the British troops and developed the 1700s equivalent of a group text to signal colonists in outlying areas. Many of these individuals were part of localized militia groups called “Minute Men,” referring to their ability to arm and defend at a moment’s notice AND NOT FOR ANY OTHER SEXUALLY HUMOROUS REASON!

On the night of April 18, two lanterns appeared in the steeple of The Old North Church, one of the oldest and tallest houses of worship perched on a hill in what is now the North End of Boston. This indicated that the British were moving by water, which meant riders had precious time to take to the road and warn people along the way. Revere, along with several other colonists who also took up the alarm cry out to the western towns, ultimately prevailed in what they set out to do.

Samuel Adams and John Hancock narrowly escaped capture. As people were awakened they passed the signal to muster from house to house by ringing bells and beating drums. When British soldiers arrived in Lexington in the early morning hours of April 19, they were met with armed colonists ready to chew bubblegum and kick some monarchy ass. And oh, guess what? Those patriots were all out of bubblegum. Smash cut to The American Revolution starring Lin-Manual Miranda and Snoop Dogg.

Patriots’ Day is the technical New England holiday that recognizes the truly historic events of those days from 1775. There are always enactments and parades, but this year was off the hook because of the semiquincentennial, which is a word you should definitely use at your next family gathering to see how long it takes for a sibling to administer an atomic wedgie. In addition to all the typical experiences there were more performances–fife and drum players–and a whole drone light show depicting scenes of Paul Revere and the ride playing out against the Boston skyline. Sorry laser Floyd, you had your 15 minutes of fame.

Even biggah than Paul Revere himself was special guest Ken “I could make a documentary on dryer lint seem exciting” Burns! Burns was in Lexington earlier in the week for a discussion event where he screened parts of his upcoming documentary The American Revolution. The documentary is six parts, 12 hours (suck it Peter Jackson!), and comes out in November. It took Burns a decade to make, which is the equivalent of 900,000 TikToks. My popcorn is already buttered, Ken. Give me those sweet, sweet sepia tones!

This regional-ish holiday–though I think we can agree that the events of April 18 and 19th kind of ended up benefiting everyone, well, except the British–is one of the things I love most about this time of year in New England. The spring energy of hope and renewal is palpable with flowers and trees waking up in glorious, technicolor hues. That charge runs through the Patriots’ Day history when ordinary people came together in an extraordinary way. There were no guarantees, only the belief that they had to at least try to stand up to power and stand up for themselves.

It all hit a lot differently this year. Urgent. Relatable. Necessary. Our past raising the alarm for our present.